Let me start this post by saying that I did NOT eat all of the junk food in my house this weekend. I just had this epiphany about prior habits that I did not see until I became aware of what I was doing. Saturday was, by far, the hardest day I've had so far. The work week is easy because I am around other people who see what I'm doing, and that helps keep me on the right path. I'm accountable to myself because I know that they see what I'm doing. When I'm at home, my kids could not care less about what I'm doing in the kitchen, as long as I'm feeding them. When I walk back and forth from the living room, through the kitchen, to the bathroom, no one sees me when I grab something off the counter and shove it in my face. I didn't even KNOW I did stuff like that until I stopped myself mid-reach this weekend. It was just habit. It was so difficult staying on plan just because I was the only one who knew what was going on with me.
BUT I DID IT!
And then, Saturday evening came around and we were all going to go visit my father-in-law, who is now in the rehabilitation center, working back from his stroke that happened two weeks ago. The kids and I met up with my husband after he got off work, and he wanted to go to Chicago Dawg House for dinner. Where there is absolutely nothing healthy. They threw a "Grilled Chicken Salad" on the menu, but the more I thought about getting that, the more resentful I became, knowing that everyone else would be sitting around me, eating deep fried this or that with everything that goes along with it. And I'd be pecking at my salad, while (in my mind), the whole restaurant would be looking over, thinking, "Oh, the fat girl must be trying to lose weight". Plus, this lifestyle change isn't supposed to be a study in how to deny myself. It's supposed to be learning how to be able to function in real life without going crazy with food, right? So I ordered the chili dog (no cheese!) and the bun turned out to be thicker than the hot dog, so I tore off the top part (half the bun points!). I drank my iced tea (no soda!), and I ate a few fries (not the whole basket!). I was pretty damn proud of myself.
Sunday, we decided to go fishing for part of the day, and my husband bought some picnic-y stuff we could eat for lunch. The morning was really chaotic, and I wound up not being able to fit in breakfast. We ate lunch at the lake at around 12:30, and I'm really realizing just how much I am not a fan of sandwiches anymore. I had turkey lunch meat with a bit of Miracle Whip and a serving of Bugles. I just kept thinking about what a waste of points it all was, because it really didn't taste all that good. Bread is, actually, pretty tasteless. So I didn't eat all that much.
We got home, and my husband (bless his heart!) made dinner. Pork chops, roasted mushrooms and Brussels sprouts and some white rice. My plate was heaping with food and it was just delicious. However, I ended my day with 15 points left to spare, which is a huge no-no. I was planning to have a snack if I got hungry, but I never did. Instead, I woke up starving.
So...I learned a lot about myself this weekend. And I realized that I have more to learn than I had anticipated. I also learned that I am the one holding myself accountable and no one else really matters.
#igotthis
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